An energy struggle

I’m currently suffering from a relapse of a depression that struck about four years ago. I made a partial recovery, and was on my way to a full recovery, when factors out of my control, yet very much influential in my mood, struck and I relapsed. I hadn’t really realised I had relapsed until I started withdrawing and really struggling with my day-to-day routine.

I’ve again made a partial recovery, but this time around, the hardest thing for me to regain has been my energy levels. I become exhausted so quickly from both physical and mental effort. I had a couple weeks where I thought I’d got over the worst bit of that fatigue and was in the clear to regain a normal life. Alas, it seems it was a blip.

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By the middle of the week I feel like I could sleep for England. I can’t make it through the day without falling asleep shortly after getting home. And I fall asleep fast and deep. So deep that I often struggle to wake back up, and get up, knowing that if I stay and sleep then I’ll just be up the whole night making the whole issue worse. Sometimes this sleep is 45 minutes which is acceptable, other times it could be two hours, but feel like it was only minutes.

I have done sleep hygiene in the past with some success. I definitely need to re-introduce this to my life. I just want to have the energy again to go to work (it’s as much about going to work to get a regular pay cheque as it is for the social benefits of seeing friends/colleagues), go out for a drink after work, do activities at the weekend, etc. I don’t want to just be (barely) surviving.

It’s a real catch-22 this energy thing as I know in some regards I have to spend energy to gain energy, but it’s pushing myself to do this that I struggle with.

Any ideas on how to really push myself to get up, get out of the house, get to work (and manage my full time hours), and avoid sleeping in the early evening or ignoring the alarm and being late in the morning are greatly appreciated. I’m a list maker by nature and this does help a bit because it’s nice to cross things off, but it also brings feelings of guilt when I can’t manage the things on the list.

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