This week has been a funny one. It’s not quite over yet but I’ve had some emotions that have made it feel like one of those kiddie roller coasters where there are a lot of little humps to go over; you never really dip down too low, nor do you get to high. That almost makes it sound like it’s normal, but it’s the frequency of those little humps that’s the problem; you never really get settled before the next one tosses you in another direction. Don’t get me wrong, it is far better than the high highs and low lows of the scarier variety of roller coaster.
I’ve been honest with my employers about the state of my fatigue. It’s hard to be that honest when you feel your job might be on the line. In reality I know it’s not really on the line, but there’s always the bit of fear that it might be. I’ve tried to be clear that it’s not what’s on my plate at work that’s the struggle, nor is it my abilities to utilise my brain usefully, but physical exertion. They do understand, and are very supportive. I’m very lucky to have this piece of mind.
Today I forced myself out of bed shortly after my alarm went off. (Even before the first snooze went off!) I managed to do the normal things you’d expect to do on a morning — eat, shower, get dressed. I’ve even managed to put shoes on instead of slippers. This is progress! From the outside it probably seems ridiculous that these small things are progress, but they are.
And I hope tomorrow, and the next day, and the one after that, are easier than this morning. I want to enjoy the little ups and downs in life, and be prepared for them.
Roller coaster image from Coaster Gallery