Monthly Archives: July 2014

Tourist of the world

I think this is something a lot of us with mental health illnesses need to remember. I think we try to affect big change in our lives/world and it only makes things harder.

tourist

From Humans of New York, obviously.

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One of those days

I’d like to say I have ‘one of those days’ only occasionally, but I seem to have them a lot. I’m talking about one of those days where I’m actually not tired for once, I feel rested. Yet I find I have this incredible urge to pull the curtains tight, lie down, fall asleep, and not wake up until I’m ready. I think it’s down to a combination of guilt and feeling overwhelmed. 

Guilt from not following my new regime. Guilt from not being as present at work as I could be. Guilt from not being as productive at work as I could be. Guilt from the all the outstanding chores at home. Guilt for not keeping up with keeping the garden in good order. Guilt from not exercising as much as I should. 

I could go on. So much guilt. So much guilt that adds up to nothing in the long run! I know I won’t eventually get to a point where I say ‘I wish I kept the grass cut and dusting under control’, yet I beat myself up about it! 

And then the guilt leaves me feeling overwhelmed. There are so many things I ‘should’ be doing but I’m not and I don’t know where to start. And who cares anyway, it’s not like I’ll ever get on top of them. 

Which of course leads to the urge to hide away and hope I feel differently when I emerge, or that some little fairies have come and taken care of everything for me (or at least some of the things).

I’ve bought another self help book … Getting things done – how to achieve stress-free productivity. I’m hoping that it really does help me get a grip.